This is bad morning. Well like my manager told me once that it can always be worse and I’m sure it definitely can because I’ve been there and done that. So first off.. late for work this morning.. 5 min late getting out the door with no lunch nor breakfast except for 2 chocolate chip cookies which is si dan cuz I didn’t have the appetite and I had absolutely no appetite to eat.. I just ate a bite size mars bar for supper yesterday.. I came home last night and saw my cat ripped open the bag of bonito flakes @@ a bit was gone I guess. So he didn’t get any supper and I think we forgot to feed his this morning. So stuck in traffic and man that did the job.. my back went berserk on me putting me in tears.. but ya.. I toughed it out.. it wasn’t a day where I can just call in sick and besides I would have had to drive home anyways.. I got all the stuff I need at work too.. so after a quick bit of stretching (yeh.. it’s nice in a room here) it’s not too bad at least the pain stopped. But another snowball comes flying towards me.. putting me in the help or not help situation (which I absolutely hate to be in) because I would feel bad if I don’t help and don’t feel quite happy if I did help.. @@ tried to ask my significant other who voiced his opinion but gave me like 2 min on the phone which .. gah.. logically I can understand why but emotionally I want to stop talking to him forever type feeling. Poor ah fee.. ya I had to bug him again .. feeling kinda bad I did because I have been constantly bugging him about issues.. I had my gut feeling about this help or not help situation and weirdest thing I remembered saying to myself sometime this week to go with my gut feeling about something that I shouldn’t have and it’s too late now.. but it’s like.. a voice in my head that say “next time becky, go with your gut feeling” … so soon after this memory popping into my head and yammy calls me back while being on the road (I sent a sos signal out) and guess what I heard “go with your gut feeling” .. and somehow diverted me to another topic and then another one.. anyways.. so I know what the decision is and how to respond to it.. I’ll do it bb style.. honest straight from the heart.. easy enough. Why think up excuses when people can see thru it?
So I’m depressed because I’m feeling neglected .. it’s not like I’m really neglected but this part/area I am.. feel I’m routinely asked how am I doing when I am being a mute and I really feel that isn’t how things should be… though I’m not so good myself because I’m naturally cutting off communication and when I catch myself doing it that I kinda give myself a kick to talk up.. sorry I’m really bitter right now.. and things that I hear would turn into bitter words unless they are super sweet then it would sound like normal. dealing with a catch 22 (catch 22.. i think that’s the term for it)
I should have thrown myself in the gym this week.. or something to sweat it out so I can start on a fresh page tomorrow morning.
bb's memories 