it’s just only tuesday…

Tuesday
11:17 am.

I think i
have recovered from my long list of events. Let me back track back to about aug
10th… i remember trying to do as much loads of laundry as i can … and the
last load was finished on aug 12.. just after kwan arrived at my place. oh..
the tuesday prior i had a dinner to go to @@ one that i couldn’t say no to. i
do remember eating a late 10 pm supper on wed night. on thursday i think the 3
of us spent 4 hours grocery shopping (and i forgot tomatos and found we ran out of
spaghetti sauce after returning from grocery store) and cooking… one dish at a time and eating them before
cooking the next one.

(1:50 pm
now)

now where
was i? o yeh.. so for the next few days my sleeping schedule was all whacked
up. i crashed after work on friday, then i woke up and must have had supper at
10 pm again. then i was up until past 2 am working on my nerve racking speech.
i had it almost worked out before i was really kicked to bed. woke up the next
morning and put on an inch of make up to hide my panda eyes ^^" … kept
the rest of the day kinda relaxing… and of course tried not to think of work
too much (i had a test to witness upcoming monday). Continuing on worrying
about my speech… i was constantly processing the speech in my head until i
got up on the stage that evening. prior to that i was just shaking and i
couldn’t eat >_< .. everything did go well. i was my (nervous) self up
there but after hearing some constructive critisms, i think i delivered the speech well.
which is good, cuz the following two nights .. my speech was replaying in my
head as i reflected upon myself but this time, i was pretty confident that if i
was to do it the second time – it would have been the same.. i wouldn’t have
said anything differently and definitely wouldn’t have picked the
"faker" route for the speech. so that was good. the sad part of the
whole week/weekend was seeing kwan leave again. this time with him staying at
my place and i saw him off bloody early in the morning.. it was just like the
bloody early morning he left to edmonton
a few years ago. i really tried my hardest to keep my smile on my face but i
couldn’t help dripping a few tears and went into withdrawl mode after he
left… it’s hard to say bye to a such a close friend and then to come back
home and u don’t hear his thumping music or humming. over the past 2-3 years..
the continuous thumping music that you would hear if you were near my place
gradually became a lot more quieter… and definitely my humming/singing as
well. just having kwan over for under a week listening to the songs he was
playing thru the jbl speakers he helped me picked out that year.. and it’s the
same type of music i listen to.. regardless if it is english pop, canton, mando
or even jap. he hasn’t changed much but i guess i have and having around made
me see how much i have changed the past 2 years… from emotionally…
rationally… small but many life style changes…  almost everything except for coke, echo, tvb,
and chips. never expected to be seeing him twice in a year.. and now it might
be many many years before i see him again.. the next time i go to ed? lol.
nevertheless, the happiest thing is knowing that our bond hasn’t changed but
probably gotten even stronger.

so anyways,
that monday morning my head started to get all stuffed up and spinning around
so i was pretty much in bed all day long and thank goodness i found someone at the last minute to cover for me at work … i guess trying to recover from
exhaustion. it actually took until thursday where i started feeling like a
normal being at work… but then i had to work on sat (and thank goodness not
sunday too because contractor wasn’t going to work on sunday.. on such short
notice? or they still don’t see the urgency to get this network stuff up and
running). it was quite terrible to be at work friday at 6 pm.. then get to work
before 8 am sat morning. by sat after work.. i was pooped but it wasn’t as bad
as i had imagined… i was still able to head to superstore to pick up
groceries for flo’s bday party the next day. but of course sunday morning i
woke up at 9 am-ish… and by 10 am i was probably finished making blueberry
pancakes again but unfortunately my stomach was hurting like there was no
tomorrow. i sat around the rest of the morning trying to eat and was thinking
about going back to bed but of course i had to bring the car to get it
checked…. and it wasn’t a simple process where i can drop off the car… it
required to go to another location to pick up a car, drive 2 cars, drop off
one, then drive home in the other. on the way back.. with the other car having
no a/c when it was bright and sunny outside.. of course that called for a
bubble-gum + coke slurpee 🙂 and funniest thing.. my last bit of stomach ache
stopped afterwards. it was about 1:40 pm sunday afternoon where i was hungry
again, and so i got a few more wontons to eat, ate some chips as well…. as i
slurped down some more of the slurpee.

oh wait!
let me back track from sat night… so i had stuff out from the freezer from
the day before and was suppose to make fresh wontons friday night but that
didn’t happen until sat night. so i opened up my box of kitchenaid attachment
toys 😀 and al noticed that the plastic plates were missing.. and al couldn’t
find them anywhere (while we had the meat grinder stuff soaked in soap water
already) … so i was a bit sad because i didn’t want to go thru the trouble of
exchanging it and stuff. then i went to the sink and wondered if the plastic
pasta plates were hidden somewhere… and there was this tube like thing……
it was to press the meat into the grinder compartment… i looked at it more
closely and tried opening the part that felt like it was a lid.. and poof!
there was the pasta plates! of course i was smiling when i found them and
kicked al. lol. so .. grounded a piece of pork steak with marble fat in it..
and of course added some shrimp.. and with seasoning and stuff.. .. the texture
of the wontons turned out to be really good.. !!! the wontons was just missing
a tad more shrimp which i will remember for next time. it really beats buying
ground pork from supermarkets!!

so back to
sunday.. with that extra boost of sugar.. 
i started to prep food for the dinner for 5 of us. of course i didn’t
have my full energy.. and i was trying to focus myself and not cause a fire in
the kitchen.. so it definitely took me a longer time for me to get stuff ready.
all went well and u could see flo with a beaming smile all evening so it really
did make things worthwhile. the down side of it is having someone becoming less
and less content thru-out the evening and i didn’t know what to do nor did get
much of a response back.

finishing
another load of late night laundry.. wasn’t the greatest for monday morning.
lol. but at least i got pants to wear! before going to work, i had to drop by
my parent’s place to get keys.. and damn it.. there had to be a thunderstorm..
and damn it.. just when i stepped outside their front door and locked the door,
the stupid thunder went "peng peng" super loud and i had pretty much
burst into tears and ran into the car @@ and felt dumb that i didn’t put on my
headphones with blasting music on >_< .. 
well that’s what i did during my drive to work .. but ya.. when i got to
work the thunder and heavy pouring rain had stopped already. just my luck. me
and thunder just don’t mix! after surving another day of work.. of course it
was only monday… but i was quite tired and i almost skipped yoga class
again.. but i kicked myself to it because i missed class from the week before
@@ … i did catch a quick nap on the way there. and almost cough out blood
from my mom’s whackiness… which was soon forgotten with hot supper in front
of my face at 9:30 pm. by the time i stuff more clothes into the dryer.. it was
10:30 pm already and i must have fell asleep by 11 and woke up at 5:30 am @@.
tubby who has been sleeping next to me the past 3 nights is like taking up my
space! i turn around and gotta shift over a bit so i don’t squash him. and last
night.. i am not sure if tubby was snoring or what.. but he did make funny
sounds when he was sleeping. by morning.. if i’m not up by 7:30.. he has gotten
back to sticking his face into mine and then sleeps on my pillow with his face
close to mine and continuously pawing my face until i get fed up and wake up @@
.. what happened to letting me sleep? or how does he tell the difference
between me sleeping or just having my eyes closed? every morning i wake up
thinking this cat has a problem.. lol… but then he’s super adorable and he’s
not meowing like crazy to wake me up. thank goodness!

愛不疚: 
…放手 放開所有 彼此更自由
放手 其實我絕非愛得不夠
放手 豁出所有 還有這個好友
已經 已經足夠

放手 我的牽掛 找不到盡頭
放手 期望你幸福甚麼都有
也許 愛很深厚 然而我早看得透
放手 至可擁有

[放手] is such a difficult thing to do. it’s not like you don’t care
anymore.. it’s more that you can’t and you just have to let go trying. It’s
quite sad to be losing someone close to u. I was reminded today that “there’s
nothing more that can be done with the past .. and to take risks in the present…”. 

Is this a risk?