was really happy but suddenly depressed… why?

during my mad dash at work days and reoccuring back pain..  on going good news have been happening. i don’t think i can blog about yammy stuff because.. dunno.

besides that the crazy happy news has been that my dear hubby has found a dang good pay job.. .. got an offer in hand.. and a very possibly another one. despite of all the commotion and stress i have been thru.. it took his best buddy a few min saying a few words about him wanting to change fields from EEE to IT shocked us and i think has changed my hubby’s decision in minutes.. where it has been 2 long days without a resolution to it. i know regardless i would be happy and supporting him.. of course i had my own preference but it was hard enough to not show it. though i’m happy that the decision is made now.. but i just wished i hadn’t put so much effort and heart into it. finding out my bday lands on feb 29th is very koo.. yet not so koo because i will be home alone that night. of course i’m not looking forward to it. i’ll probably make my own cake – just have to decide on a green tea mousse or mango mousse. as for my other bday.. i was looking forward to it because it would be my first bday with my hubby since a few years.. it seems it’s been a long time.. or once in a blue moon feeling to be exact. i was looking forward to it but i am not now. and i think mostly i will go to work so i won’t stay at home. i’m not sure if i will be sobbing or not. just too many mix memories on my bday has happened the past few years.. of course there are times that it was so happy and times where i wished the day never came. the whole mix of emotions are still madly attached to me and it’s the bad ones that is really sticking on..  at work today it took over an hour to calm myself down and now let all those past images flash back like it was just yesterday and started to get some work done. of course i just got thru one drawing before i came home and it’s 11 pm right now. i’m very frustrated because i can’t clean up the place.. i hate being immobilized. i really want to be able to get up and dance. speaking of which.. i guess i am a tad sad that i can’t go to blush on vday..   well what i really want is to have myself be engolf by loud music and flashing lights and absolutely forget about everything and anything for a few hours