hugging the toilet.. doesn’t that sound familiar? just less than 10 days ago i was food poisoned.. and here i am again @@ jeebus. 8 pm and it is still hurting yet i wanna eat supper!! so i’m back to how it used to be.. sick sick and sick.. last week.. thank goodness z managed to occupy herself beside me cuz all i could do was stay in bed and kept her beside me during the times i couldn’t get out of the room. i would plop her up on her butt while she is playing with her bear and book.. or with blankey.. and when she was tired she just fall asleep beside me.. so adorable! and of course wake me up with her flapping arms on my face -__-"
but seriously… during the times where i was half dead – i was left alone with z… during the times where i was able to get up and moving.. ppl around me offered help then. sorry to say.. but 3 letters came to mind during those times.. "wtf". but what can i say. that is the way my life is most of the times. the moments where i needed help the most i end up dealing/coping with it myself. to think i would get used to it by now.. well i guess so but i still wish things weren’t so like this.
after so many months.. i haven’t gotten used to being alone yet. it dun feel ok to be alone.. i guess carrying z in my tummy for 9 months really changed things up.. gotten used to always having someone beside me.
after my vegas trip i really optimistically felt i have gotten rid of my postpartum depression when i stepped home. things were still kinda rough but very manageable. .. then one day… it happened again and my head was just gushing of flashbacks of what happened. all i could do was distant myself .. put up some walls around me to protect myself and weep.
weep… i really don’t know why and when i weep anymore or if it has just gotten to be a habit to weep so often. me being like this.. half of me pushing me to study for my exam and go back to work yet the other half is battling for me to just say "the heck with this".. i’ll just stay home and build some walls around myself.
but seriously… during the times where i was half dead – i was left alone with z… during the times where i was able to get up and moving.. ppl around me offered help then. sorry to say.. but 3 letters came to mind during those times.. "wtf". but what can i say. that is the way my life is most of the times. the moments where i needed help the most i end up dealing/coping with it myself. to think i would get used to it by now.. well i guess so but i still wish things weren’t so like this.
after so many months.. i haven’t gotten used to being alone yet. it dun feel ok to be alone.. i guess carrying z in my tummy for 9 months really changed things up.. gotten used to always having someone beside me.
after my vegas trip i really optimistically felt i have gotten rid of my postpartum depression when i stepped home. things were still kinda rough but very manageable. .. then one day… it happened again and my head was just gushing of flashbacks of what happened. all i could do was distant myself .. put up some walls around me to protect myself and weep.
weep… i really don’t know why and when i weep anymore or if it has just gotten to be a habit to weep so often. me being like this.. half of me pushing me to study for my exam and go back to work yet the other half is battling for me to just say "the heck with this".. i’ll just stay home and build some walls around myself.
bb's memories 