life is ridiculous

life is a joke…  definately a joke..  i spent the last few years learning how to live my life for myself and not others..  and dammit i finally figured it out and why does this have to happen to me? why? i am seriously hitting my limits again..  i’m tired of living a life of trying to push limits to get somewhere.. but this time.. my successful rate is 0… a big fat O. .. maybe i’ll just let my life wash by me once again… saying that i’ll pray that i can recover one day seems pathetic now because my condition only gets worse…  i don’t know what’s worse.. living half a normal life where everyone can see and show their pathetic sympathy to me or just to end it.